1. Cats, no matter how sweet or loving, have no business riding in the truck with us. Nutmeg has (on more than one occasion) rolled down the window while we cruised at 60 mph. Gingersnap decided (in Wichita) to crawl across Danny’s lap, hop up onto the dash and try to sleep on the steering wheel. Meanwhile, their hair floats in the air, landing in our open mouths when we scream. And when you have cats loose in a truck, you scream a lot.

2. When you put your cats inside the 5th wheel to travel, you can’t hear them yowling and can claim innocence when PETA comes for you.

3. Marry someone who can change a tire. Now, girls, it might be too late for some of you so in a pinch, get AAA and pray a lot. Twenty-one years ago, I wisely flirted with a western Kansas boy who can take things apart and put them together and handily changes tires while on the side of the highway. This skill has served us well, most recently during the first week of our adventure when we reveled in three blowouts on the 5th wheel. Danny knew just what to do and so did I. He got to work repairing the vehicle. I walked the kids to Subway for lunch. It’s this kind of team work that bonds a couple.

4. Pay attention to overpass height limits. You know those numbers spray painted on bridges? They mean something when you’re pulling a 13.5’ tall RV.

5. The people who make RVs have a sense of humor and once you understand their twisted version of ‘funny,’ your life will be much easier. Did you know that it is common to discover unmarked waste tanks under an RV? We discovered this treat after Danny spent four hours one night outside Abilene, Texas, plunging and splashing in our kitchen sink only to discover we’d been hauling around about 300 extra pounds of waste water…that wasn’t ours.

6. When buying a used RV, be sure the dealership empties all waste tanks before taking possession of said RV.

7. Toll roads are kind of a nuisance for regular vehicles but for F-250s hauling 39-foot 5th wheels, they can suddenly be “our most desperate hour.” (That is a direct quote from our eldest who may have seen Star Wars a few times). We have forgotten (several times) that we have like 34 axles now and those darn toll booth workers want more money based on the number of axles you have. The last time, the lady was honest-to-goodness laughing at us as we felt around on the floor, dug through the glove box, shook down our children, actually put our hands in between the seats (insert panicked, freaked out breathing here) and finally, finally came up with the $84.50 required to bounce along on New York’s finest motorway. Now, we have a lot of quarters with us always.

8. Speaking of quarters, we need them to do laundry. We first learned this lesson in the mid-90s when our mothers kicked us out and we went to college. However, a refresher course is always a good idea so after nearly two decades of avoiding laundromats, we’re once again cramming as much clothing as possible into as few machines as possible, guarding washers with empty clothes baskets, hiding our Ziploc of coins under dirty underwear and praying the detergent lasts so we don’t have to buy some out of one of those white boxes on the wall.

9. Children will touch everything in a truck stop bathroom. This is fact.

10. When Danny takes three steps in the RV, the entire thing (despite being on jacks and leveled perfectly) registers on the Richter scale. We are now used to this and I just holler out “posts, everyone!” like the mom from “Mary Poppins” and we roll with it. I married a really big guy and that comes with a price but check out Lesson #3 to see why it’s all worth it.

I know more lessons are out there waiting for us. If we survive them, I’ll share them.