You may wonder what it is I do while Danny drives this beast of a truck (an F-250 Super Duty, long bed) and hauls this 39-foot 5th wheel. I’m going to take a few minutes and share my duties as Girl In the Passenger Seat.

First and primarily I’m the Navigator. This involves more than punching information into Sydney (we named the in-dash GPS after Australia’s capitol due to her accent). Sydney is pretty neutral about where we go except when we get close to Canada. She longs for Canada. Maybe because it is another Commonwealth? None of us have our passports with us but the entire time we were in Niagara she kept steering us toward the Canadian side of the action. I argued with her but she didn’t stop whining about Canada until we hit the Catskills a week later. The good part about Syd is that she knows we are a giant vehicle. We told her we are a bus and she believes us. She also gives an accurate reading of how long a trip will take because she knows how fast we’re going. Siri, who lives in my phone, is a NASCAR kinda gal. She feels the need for speed and always gets our hopes up that our next stop is merely two hours away and then Sydney jumps in with reality because we’re only going 60 MPH and she knows it. Syd doesn’t know when traffic is lousy ahead while Siri lights up our roads in orange or red and sends me frantic messages about saving three minutes if we use the feeder road instead.

I mediate between the two and also monitor all route decisions while tracing lines on my trusty atlas. That’s a book of maps. I actually hold it on my lap and often override both Syd and Siri because they get all caught up in fastest route options (which we do appreciate) but I need to consider the fact that yes, it may be faster to go through downtown Miami but we ain’t gonna.

This job isn’t really title worthy but I should mention I’m also the one who yells out “tow haul” as we pull out from our site. This prompts Danny to push a mysterious and powerful button that lets the truck know its hauling our house again. This one job sums up my knowledge of how the truck and trailer work together.

I’m also Keeper of the Snacks and Meals. As we prepare for departure, I pack a variety of tasty delights into our little purse-sized cooler. We need enough for random munchies and also protein-heavy items for the times we can’t find a place to stop. The children (and that word encompasses everyone but me) would eat non-stop if allowed. I keep the snacks under tight control so they don’t fill little tummies with Cheese-Its and peanut butter crackers three minutes before we stop to Fuel, Potty and Eat.

This Holy Trinity is carefully timed and plotted out with our handy Trucker App, recommended to me by a trusted friend who also owns an RV. The app tells us where picnic areas and truck stops are scattered along our path. This information is keenly important because we can’t just swing by the drive thru at Taco Bell and keep trucking. The app also reviews restaurants and bathrooms so we know which truck stops to visit. Danny fills up the diesel. I take the girls inside and pray a lot that we don’t catch diseases and then we attempt to find food that is halfway fresh. Subway has become a real friend to us on this trip. Sometimes the elusive Three just don’t come together for us and we pull over on the side of the highway to make popcorn for supper. We make do. The good news is that we have a complete (albeit miniscule) kitchen rumbling along behind us so we always have options.

Another job is that of Maker of Happiness. We try to keep our moves to under four hours. It’s just nicer for everyone and the girls are so acclimated to our lifestyle they hardly notice four-hour drives anymore. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to really kick it and the longer drives weigh on us. I give permission for screen time, hand out the aforementioned snacks, read aloud and negotiate peace treaties between the backseat occupants. The driver requires sunflower seeds (low sodium, please), the occasional Coke and some neck and back rubs. Now and then I must slap him a bit or shake his shoulder or ramble on about nothing in particular just to keep him alert and awake.

I also query passengers about bladder control, hunger pains and general comfort. I hand out lemon drops with a frequency that would make our dentist cringe. I’m the person who hits “shuffle” on the phone when we play “what’s that song?” and I find pens on the floor and refill water bottles from my master supply up front. I notice roadside novelties such as horses (a particular fav of our girls), fruit stands and signs we find amusing. For instance in Vermont, we regularly saw moose crossing signs. In Florida, it was panthers and bears. I’m often the person who locks the doors, come to think of it. I point out cloud formations and ask the girls random trivia from the previous week’s lessons. I’m also the one who forces Paige to read every day because if we skip Saturday and Sunday that makes Monday’s school day a nightmare for her…and me.

Yes, Girl in the Passenger Seat is a hefty role to play but so far, I’m holding my own. I haven’t even mentioned my DJ tasks; look for a separate post on those. We go home in mid-June but until then, “roll on highway, roll on crew, roll on family like I asked you to do….”